MUSICIAN JOKES How do you get two PICCOLOS to play in perfect unison? Shoot one What's the definition of a minor second? What's the How do you IN SCORE ORDER What's Two FLUTES playing in unison the difference between an onion and an OBOE? No one cries when you chop up an OE difference between playing an ENGUSH HORN Solo and wetting your pants? Both give you a warm feeling but no who owns his ALTO What's worse than having an 08OE player in a band? Having two put down a SAXOPHONE? Call it a BASSOON Why do ClARINETISTS leave their cases on their dashboards? So they can park in handicapped zones CLARINET What do you call a BASS CLARINETIST with half a lawn mower and a SAPRANO SAX? You can tune a lawn mower How may ALTO SAX players does it take to change a light bulb? Five One to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it How do you make a chain saw sound like a BARI SAX? Add vibrato take to change a light bulb? Five One to handle the bulb and the other four to tell how much better they could have done it How do you make a TROMBONE Sound like a FRENCH HORN? Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes How many FRENCH HORN players does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for leaks and alignment problems HORN player with a goal post? A goal post that can't march What's the definition of a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the TROMBONE but doesn't How many BASS TROMBONISTS does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he'll do it too loud What's the difference between a dead TROMBONIST in the road and a dead country singer in the road? What's the range of a TUBA? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm What's the difference between a 34 TUBA and a 54 TUBA? About 5 yards Why do DRUMMERS have a half ounce more brains than horses? So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A DRUMMER that now How can you tell if a DRUMMER is knocking on your door? He rushes What does a TIMPANIST say when he gets to his gig? Would you like fries with that sir? Test? Drool How can you tell if a VIOUN is out of tune? The bow is moving How do you make a VIOUN sound like a VIOLA? Sit in the back and don't play door? No one knows when to come in What's the difference between a VIOUST and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching What's the difference between a CELLO and a coffin? The coffin has the corpse inside know was so bad that even his section noticed Why are ORCHESTRA intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the CELLISTS would-be VIOUNIST and someone who hates VIOUN getting together to complain about composers a SOPRANO change a light bulb? She holds it and the world revolves around her between a SOPRANO and the PLO? You can negotiate with the PLO How do know an ALTO is at your door? She can 't find her key If you took all the TENORS in the world and layed them end to end--it would be a good idea What has 32 feet and an IQ of 83? FLAG CORPSWhat do you call ten BARITONES at the bottom of the ocean? A start Why do BAGPIPERS walk when they play? To get away from the noise do you get a GUITAR PLAYER to play softer? Give him a sheet of music What does a vacuum cleaner and an ELECTRIC GUITAR have in common? When you plug them in they both suck GUITAR PLAYER stroked it gently while saying I love you Oh about half a beat behind the DRUMMER two sticks and made him a DRUMMER but he lost one and became a CONDUCTOR Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the BASSOON recital Se one else cares What's the definition of a nerd? brain? Gifted What's the difference between a How many TRUMPET players does it What do you get when you cross a FRENCH The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session How many DRUMMERS does it take to change a light bulb? None They have machines to do What did the TIMPANIST get on his IQ How do you know if a VIOLA section is at your front What's the difference between a CELLO and a VIOLA? The CELLO burns longer A BASS PLAYER we Definition of a string quartet A good VIOINIST a bad VIOINIST a How does What's the difference How Told to turn on his amp the Hey buddy How late does the band play? We know a guy who was so dumb his music teacher gave him THESE JOKES ARE SO BAD I CAN'T HANDLE THEM THEY MAKE ME LIZSTLESS THEY CAN BE TOO MENDLESOHM YOU'D BETTER GO OUT BACH AND STAY IN HAYDN Here’s some band jokes that I found behind my locker room door Meme

Bad

brains

Dumb

Horses

Love

Music

Nerd

Saw

Teacher

Lost

found ON 2019-12-03 00:01:41 BY loveforquotes.com

source: reddit