MUSICIAN JOKES How do you get two PICCOLOS to play in perfect unison? Shoot one What's the definition of a minor second? What's the How do you IN SCORE ORDER What's Two FLUTES playing in unison the difference between an onion and an OBOE? No one cries when you chop up an OE difference between playing an ENGUSH HORN Solo and wetting your pants? Both give you a warm feeling but no who owns his ALTO What's worse than having an 08OE player in a band? Having two put down a SAXOPHONE? Call it a BASSOON Why do ClARINETISTS leave their cases on their dashboards? So they can park in handicapped zones CLARINET What do you call a BASS CLARINETIST with half a lawn mower and a SAPRANO SAX? You can tune a lawn mower How may ALTO SAX players does it take to change a light bulb? Five One to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it How do you make a chain saw sound like a BARI SAX? Add vibrato take to change a light bulb? Five One to handle the bulb and the other four to tell how much better they could have done it How do you make a TROMBONE Sound like a FRENCH HORN? Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes How many FRENCH HORN players does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for leaks and alignment problems HORN player with a goal post? A goal post that can't march What's the definition of a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play the TROMBONE but doesn't How many BASS TROMBONISTS does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he'll do it too loud What's the difference between a dead TROMBONIST in the road and a dead country singer in the road? What's the range of a TUBA? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm What's the difference between a 34 TUBA and a 54 TUBA? About 5 yards Why do DRUMMERS have a half ounce more brains than horses? So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A DRUMMER that now How can you tell if a DRUMMER is knocking on your door? He rushes What does a TIMPANIST say when he gets to his gig? Would you like fries with that sir? Test? Drool How can you tell if a VIOUN is out of tune? The bow is moving How do you make a VIOUN sound like a VIOLA? Sit in the back and don't play door? No one knows when to come in What's the difference between a VIOUST and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching What's the difference between a CELLO and a coffin? The coffin has the corpse inside know was so bad that even his section noticed Why are ORCHESTRA intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the CELLISTS would-be VIOUNIST and someone who hates VIOUN getting together to complain about composers a SOPRANO change a light bulb? She holds it and the world revolves around her between a SOPRANO and the PLO? You can negotiate with the PLO How do know an ALTO is at your door? She can 't find her key If you took all the TENORS in the world and layed them end to end--it would be a good idea What has 32 feet and an IQ of 83? FLAG CORPSWhat do you call ten BARITONES at the bottom of the ocean? A start Why do BAGPIPERS walk when they play? To get away from the noise do you get a GUITAR PLAYER to play softer? Give him a sheet of music What does a vacuum cleaner and an ELECTRIC GUITAR have in common? When you plug them in they both suck GUITAR PLAYER stroked it gently while saying I love you Oh about half a beat behind the DRUMMER two sticks and made him a DRUMMER but he lost one and became a CONDUCTOR Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the BASSOON recital Se one else cares What's the definition of a nerd? brain? Gifted What's the difference between a How many TRUMPET players does it What do you get when you cross a FRENCH The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session How many DRUMMERS does it take to change a light bulb? None They have machines to do What did the TIMPANIST get on his IQ How do you know if a VIOLA section is at your front What's the difference between a CELLO and a VIOLA? The CELLO burns longer A BASS PLAYER we Definition of a string quartet A good VIOINIST a bad VIOINIST a How does What's the difference How Told to turn on his amp the Hey buddy How late does the band play? We know a guy who was so dumb his music teacher gave him THESE JOKES ARE SO BAD I CAN'T HANDLE THEM THEY MAKE ME LIZSTLESS THEY CAN BE TOO MENDLESOHM YOU'D BETTER GO OUT BACH AND STAY IN HAYDN Here’s some band jokes that I found behind my locker room door Meme

Bad

brains

Dumb

Horses

Love

Music

Nerd

Saw

Teacher

Lost

I Love You

Brain

Chicken

Common

Cross

Definition

Goal

Good

Guitar

How To

Jokes

Limited

Ocean

Onion

Test

Vacuum

What Does

World

French

Change

Drummers

Hell

The Road

Band

All The

Back

Been

how

leaks

feet

got

sticks

idea

the band

her

Dog

add

definition of

make a

bach

player

bass

arm

light

tune

light bulb

who

key

him

can

ounce

miss a

one

sound

bell

down

play

cello

soprano

amp

string

may

saxophone

lawn mower

haydn

trumpet

viola

why

singer

march

she

bow

score

electric guitar

vacuum cleaner

did

orchestra

them

clarinet

all

plo

the world

chop

make

they

park

you

sir

unison

call

definition of a

door

trombone

inside

now

conductor

buddy

gentleman

stay

solo

oboe

chain

post

beat

range

tuba

miss

what

david sanborn

notes

five

made

bassoon

order

for

how do you know

whats

plug

quartet

handle

vibrato

noise

bari

road

bulb

the dog

string quartet

more

get

do it

love you

stop

hey

moving

done

like

country

when you

dead

how do you make a

guy

how do you make

do you

what do

good idea

find

wetting your pants

sax

room

perfect

turn

hand

just

end

french horn

together

feeling

musician

warm

someone

complain

drool

chain saw

away

saying

what did

noticed

country singer

guitar player

what do you

get away

scratching

who knows

cleaner

contemplate

loud

their

layed

disgrace

players

alto sax

handicapped

too

owns

i cant

walk

no

make me

hours

better

way

minutes

come

know

problems

say

much

around

else

in the world

ten

two

gets

dont

none

late

flag

hates

shoot

mower

pants

drummer

the way

turn on

in unison

alignment

musicians

hey buddy

cant handle

much better

out

playing

dont-play

fries

so dumb

would you like fries with that

bottom

too loud

leave

in common

David

And

Other

You Know

Lawn

Here

Locker Room

Cant

We Know

Both

When

Coffin

Horn

A Lot

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road

Parade

I Love

That

But

Suck

Cries

When He

Come In

Say When

Bass Player

Music Teacher

How Much

Give

The

Electric

A Good

Whats The Difference

From

On The Way

Do What

You Get A

Burns

Your

Would You

Behind The

Told

Take

Many

Cares

Band Jokes

Musician Jokes

Knocking

Change A Light

Gig

Front

Sit

These

While

Checking

Start

Machines

Sheet

Behind

20 Minutes

Was

With

Gifted

Half

Found

Took

In A

Are

Have

Four

Difference

If You

A Gentleman

Do You Know

The Definition

How Do

How Do You

Put

Rushes

Gave

Piccolos

A 3

Do You Make

You Make

How Many

About

Does

Whats The

Between

Has

Lot

Sit In

The Definition Of

Trumpet Players

Tell

Just One

Second

Than

Worse

Themselves

Corpse

No One

Getting

Composers

Even

Knows

His

Some

Could

Having

Get On

Half Ounce

A Bad

A Dog

A Good Idea

A Lot Of

A Nerd

Alto

Bari Sax

Can You

Chicken Cross The Road

Cross The

Does It

Dog The

Dont Have To

Done It

End It

Give Him A

Have A

How Can You Tell If

How Can You

I Cant Handle

In A Band

In The

Knows How To

Like A

Locker

Longer

Minor

Negotiate

No One Knows

Out Of

Put Down

To Do

A Band

Youd

Chop Up

Corps

Doesnt

End To End

Get Away From

Go Out

Hand In

Have To

How Can

Out Of Tune

Play To

Recital

Recording

Retrain

Section

Session

Sound Like

Spend

Stay In

The Country

The Other

youve

you can

worse than

would

became

your hand

me

i found

cases

my

chicken cross

give him

you get

why do

but no

you like

gently

road to

yards

call it

saying i

one knows

difference between

why did

someone who

can t

one but

twenty

idea what

that i

would have

can be

would be

when they

at

that even

so bad

who was

youve got

guy who

one else

hangs

but he

may have

get a

why are

flutes

they dont

holds

have been

post that

they make

two hours

they have

world revolves

leave their

complain about

could have

horn solo

horn players

wetting

a

it

oh

The Tenors

found ON 2019-12-03 00:01:41 BY loveforquotes.com

source: reddit